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Currently, I am living out my dream and apprenticing as a body piercer and modification artist. I'm in love with it.
However, apprentices do not get paid and I have been forking out all of my cash in order to buy supplies for this lovely adventure I'm undertaking. This, I would not mind, if I wasn't also expected to take 15 units of online classes on top of the job I'm working 45-50 hours a week. This, I would not mind, if my parents could get their lives together and figure out how to cook healthy meals  without me. This, I would not mind, if I wasn't expected to drive to pay my coworkers cell phone bills, pick up their meals, their clothes from wal-mart when they forget to do laundry...
If I wasn't expected to clean every single tool used in the building (piercing forceps I don't mind... tattoo tubes should not be my responsibility. I will never, ever use them. Therefore, why must I clean them?)
If I wasn't expected to go grocery shopping for my Grandma every Sunday...
If someone would just do something nice for me in return, maybe I wouldn't mind this all so much.
I keep telling myself this is worth it. I don't want to do anything else right now. I've always wanted to learn this and I am GOOD at it.  I am great at it. This is just too much for me to handle though.

I miss my friends. I'm constantly tired. I'm horrible to my boyfriend because of stress and as a consequence we are taking a break.
I'm having the time of my life at work, but I don't know how long I'm going to be able to do this. :(
I need a hug and some chai.
I need a break.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
21 September 2008 @ 11:16 pm
Week 3:
The truth will set me free, I will never lie.
17 September 2008 @ 10:43 pm
Ten of the simple things I absolutely love.

1. Breathing in the air after it has rained.

2. When a bird's shadow glides across a hill.

3. Eating breakfast biscotti at my Grandma's house while she mixes Italian and English.

4. The smells of Christmas.

5. Colored jars, when the sunlight shines through them.

6. The wind. When it's rushing through trees and over ponds; When it's gliding through wheat; When it's so cold it makes my eyes water and gives me an excuse to curl up in some blankets and read.

7. My bed after a really long day.

8. The way that handwriting on a page will always be more important to me than text on a screen.

9. How my dog is always excited when I come home, even if I've only been gone a half hour.

10. Long walks under cloudy skies when everything seems so simple and good.
15 September 2008 @ 07:52 pm

There are quite a few people I would die for. Or at least people I think I would die for, since I can't really judge what my reactions would be if I were in that situation. I'd like to say I'm 100% sure I would die for my sister, though. And there are definitely a few friends that are very close to my heart for which I would make that sacrifice.
Anyways, after I was thinking about it for a while I realized something: I think of strangers as completely innocent people filled with good intentions. It's just that I'm pretty sure that if I was in a situation where I could save a stranger, I'd die for them. But if I knew anything bad about them, if I knew that they were a murderer or something, I would not. I think I just hope that people are inherently good, even though somewhere in my logical mind I realize that most people have some sort of dark part.

Another Sunday night statement to think about. By: Marc

Week #2:

There are people in this world I would die for.

14 September 2008 @ 04:19 pm

The 10 things I wish I had never learned are:

1. I wish I had never learned that when you really, really love someone it will hurt when they aren't with the person they want... even if that person is not you.

2. I wish that I had never learned that there are some people that will value money over anything else in the world.

3. I wish that I had never learned that my sister does not love our parents.

4. I wish that I had never learned that the really honest, good people barely ever make it in the business world.

5. I wish that i had never learned that once you lose respect for someone, you kind of lose everything you had for them.

6. I wish that i had never learned that as a best friend, you can't give up on someone. No matter how bad you want to run away, no matter how bad it hurts when they won't take your advice and you have to watch as they destroy themselves... You have to stick with them, because sometimes you're the only person they have.

7. I wish I had never learned that my sister wanted a sibling, not that my parents wanted another child.

8. I wish I had never learned that seawater in a bottle does not keep forever... and will eventually explode all over the place, making everything smell funny.

9. I wish I had never learned that something as small as birds can get something as huge as cancer... It just seems horrible to me.

10. I wish I had never learned that some of the things I had never learned bothered me so much.

But I did this because it's good. It's just plain good to realize things sometimes, and take a breath... So you can move on.
And now I'm at that moving on step.
So that's what I'll do. I'm moving on.
At first, when I started thinking about it, I didn't believe that the statement was true. It is a huge thing to say that someone would die for you, and I highly doubted anyone would. So I reversed it to get some perspective. I came up with a few people that I would give my life for, and some of them would probably do the same for me.
Most significantly, my sister.
It was intense for me to think about the extraordinary amount of love that takes, and both a relief and a comfort to know that I'm that close with my sister.
Even though she's ten years older, she's always been my very closest friend.

07 September 2008 @ 08:55 pm
I know that this is my second post of the day, and I apologize, but I found something online that I feel is pretty cool.
At this website --> www.marcandangel.com/2008/09/04/52-sunday-evening-meditations-on-life/ there is a list of 52 statements to dwell on. So I decided to go ahead and try it out every Sunday.
I'm thinking of writing my thoughts out on them Monday or some either time, but I might not. Either way, I wanted to share that link.
The thought for the first week is:
1. There are people in this world that would die for me.

07 September 2008 @ 07:09 pm
I made my Grandma an apple pie for her birthday.
Okay, I lied. My Aunt gave me some apples, and I wanted to make an apple pie. So I did. Truthfully though, I forgot all about my Grandma's birthday until my mom said something... So I just pretended I had made it for her. Shh, I know, I'm a bad person. :P
Who doesn't do a thing or two like that though?
Anyways, I'm happy to say that my first apple pie attempt turned out fantastic, and I got a few compliments telling me that I should open up a little cafe. That made me smile like no other since it's my ultimate unrealistic dream. xP

The drive home was the best though. The sun was pretty low, so everything had a nice little ethereal glow about it, and there didn't seem to be too much smog. So I opened the window, and the air was just pleasantly warm instead of scorching for a change. I wish I could have driven for an hour or two, but I had to get home.
One day I'll drive coast to coast though. Just for the hell of it.
Just to get out.

Current Mood: artisticartistic
06 September 2008 @ 01:25 pm
Over the last few days I've been wondering what I really want in life. What would make me happy?
And the answer is: I have no idea. For the most part, random things throughout the day make me smile and keep me happy, but I don't have any long-term goal to do something to ensure being content in the future. I really have no idea what career I want to work towards.

Laugh with me.